Independent people love their loneliness and don't settle. But this can make it difficult for them to find a partner.
Perhaps we have heard that to love someone it is first necessary to love oneself; approach from desire, curiosity, or interest, and not from need. However, those who have achieved personal and emotional independence are often the most difficult in establishing a relationship. Has it happened to you? If so, today we want to talk about why independent people find it difficult to find a partner.
We tend to think that to establish an affective bond we have to fulfill a series of characteristics. Be attractive, successful, intelligent, funny ... However, just look around to see that people of all kinds enjoy relationships; And, paradoxically, those who have done more inner work may feel unable to connect with someone. In reality, the difficulties may have another origin.
Why is it difficult for independent people to find a partner?
This statement can be applied to all people who face the search for a partner from a feeling of completeness; that is, from the perspective of two full human beings who come together to share, rather than to fill gaps.
However, it is especially true for those who have undergone an important transformation process, who have experienced emotional dependence and have overcome it through personal work. Whatever your case, these are some of the reasons that may be taking you away from your goal.
Independent people love to be alone, and if they get someone special in their life, they do not start from their side to make the relationship strong and it does not need a lot of courage they just have to share good morning images or good afternoon images to start the conversation to know each other better.
They have misunderstood independence
In any relationship, it is necessary that each of its members take responsibility for their own happiness and emotions, But it is essential that there is a certain degree of openness and that the fear of being vulnerable is eliminated. Thus, interdependence is the most appropriate concept to designate the appropriate way to bond.
Being emotionally independent does not imply being tight, cold, or distant. If we misinterpret this term, we can fall into the error of not letting ourselves be loved, of not allowing ourselves to connect with others on a deep level. The propitious attitude would then go through the phrase: " I can do everything alone, but I do not want it alone ."
They have gotten used to loneliness
If you have been single for a long time, it may be more difficult for you to start a relationship. And this is because, sometimes, loneliness becomes addictive. This provides a sense of control that when entering a bond is replaced by intense emotions and a large dose of uncertainty. And we are not always willing, consciously or unconsciously, to make this change.
On the other hand, as with all social skills, if these are not practiced regularly the person can lose expertise and confidence in this regard. Thus, after years of being single, your romantic interactions may not turn out as smooth and satisfying as you would like, and this may stop you from trying. So you need to think now how old am I today, and after how much time I will have a partner.
They perpetuate a dysfunctional belief
In line with the above, it often happens that a belief takes hold that ends up becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy: "I will never find a partner ." This idea can start from bad past experiences, from thinking that every bond implies suffering and abandoning oneself, or from being convinced that no one will accept a relationship in the terms that we now propose; that is, freedom and companionship rather than demands and control.
This same idea can lead us to face interactions with new people under a prism of pessimism and suspicion, instead of allowing us to see how the situation unfolds. These mental barriers that we carry are the ones that, finally, end up blocking opportunities.
They have high standards
Finally, we cannot ignore that independent people find it difficult to find a partner because they tend to have higher standards. Starting a relationship is a desire for them, but not a need. They cherish and value their life as it is and provide themselves with love and respect; for the same reason, they are only willing to accept those who improve their current conditions. They are busy in their professional lives, somehow they manage time for a party or small tour, they use days between dates calculator for them all planning, but they do not understand that a balance between professional and personal life is important to get the most our the life.
From this perspective, all people who have not developed that same conception of love and who have not worked on themselves to be able to bond healthily are ruled out. For the same reason, in today's society, tending to superficiality, liquid love, and unawareness of one's own needs, finding a like-minded individual can be more complicated.
Independent people have a hard time finding a partner, but it doesn't have to be that way
As you have seen, several of the previous points can be worked to stop being an obstacle. A review of beliefs will lead to more flexible and realistic thinking that will allow you to break down some of the barriers that you have built.
On the other hand, remember that there are many people who have traveled the same path and want to build a relationship under those same ideals. Just open up, give yourself a chance
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